A Most Unfortunate of Events

Dearest Blog-mate
I have the most unfortunate of all news. I have discovered the heart-wrenching disability most commonly known to man as "No-sense-of-humor-itus-olococus" This heinous disability affects the persons brain in the limbic system; more specifically the amygdala and the hippocampus. This disability causes a blockage of the epiglottis and therefore inhibits their laughing ability. Sometimes the disability is so severe the infected cannot even crack a smile. I have discovered this disability myself and have conducted research on the matter and have come to a very grim conclusion; once a person has become infected it is nearly impossible, once it comes into the late stages,to cure. Even Laughing gas is impermeable to this sickening infection. This infection does not usually infect one later in life but starts at an early age. If a child over the age of 8 is tested and found to be free of this disease they will surely be immune for the majority of t heir life, but once they reach parenthood, they become more susceptible to the disease. Though; if caught early enough from the parents, treatment must be administered immediately, to have any hope for survival.
I first came upon this disability today in my new testament class. I was trying to climb through the narrow passageway between rows of seats to an empty seat. Whilst maneuvering through I accidentally tripped over myself and began falling towards a girl seated in the seat next to the one i was trying to acquire. It seemed that i was destined to fall on top of her until i caught myself just a foot from her, I then trying to remedy an awkward situation smile and say to the girl, "oh hi!"
This girl instead of smiling or laughing at my stupidity like a healthy human being instead snarled and frowned with exceeding disgust. I was taken aback, it was like she was trying to smile or laugh but something went horribly south! She then started foaming at the mouth like some rabid beast! I then did what any reasonable college student concerned about their fellow students would do. I stuck her with a tranquilizer dart and took her back to my lab for some testing on this strange behavior. And that's when i learned of this sad infection.
I have not yet discovered a cure, but right now i am trying to help ease the suffering of this poor victim by stimulating those before mentioned parts of the brain through comedic material such as Nacho libre, and Brian Regan, in hopes that this continual stimulation might lead to a more healthy build up of joy sensors in the brain, which might overflow and hopefully alleviate the blockage of this laughter flow to the epiglottis to the lungs and therefore out the mouth. This is just a trial run a prototype if you will, but all results will be helpful in the name of science.
But this is not all, I have also discovered the antithesis to this disease and disability, you might even call it, it an over-stimulation. Its evil twin. its called excess-humoritus-olococcus. This is categorized by excessive silliness, and an uncontrollable epiglottis, which causes them to laugh at everything. This may not seem as serious as the previous infection that i spoke of, but it might even be worse! These people have no control, and its so very sad that if this infection is left untethered and unchecked it can spread, causing the infected to go into a relapse and can cause the deteriorating of all common sense and sense of social etiquette. These people are often very awkward and weird. It may be hard to talk with them, and even harder to relate.
This next part is were i must be careful with the information. You see, during my research i have come across a huge secret that i'm sure a lot of very important people would not want anyone to know. I have uncovered the whereabouts of a whole hive of infected people, who are being hidden on the BYU campus without the other students knowledge! Some people have suspected this but it has only been a rumor, i now know it to be true! This fact is that, this hive of infectious students has been conveniently hidden in the HFAC! Thats right, the Harris Fine Arts Center, in all its labrynthness has been fostering fugitive infecteds in secret! Upon receiving this knowledge I have began researchign some sort of antidote for these infections. I only hope that my endeavor is not fruitless, and i am able to cure these students before it spreads too far, or cripples them to the point of no return.
I hold you in the highest confidences,
-Me